I need a wife to:
- Get up at 5 am, heat up the baby bottle while making coffee and changing over the loads of laundry
- Feed the baby and then iron my clothes for the day (ideally she would iron my clothes for the week and that would give her more time in the morning to make a hot breakfast for me, beggars can’t be choosers now).
- Feed the kid breakfast so I can blow-dry my hair and actually put on makeup before going to work. This would occur without yelling “Eat” a million time at a 2 year old.
- Get the kids dressed and realize that the clothes that I laid out are the ones that I intended for them to wear. Why would I go through the trouble of bringing the outfits downstairs if I had not intended for them to wear them???? Ideal she would even pick out the outfits, but I have better taste.
- Take the kids to daycare so that I could have a quite leisurely drive and listen to the morning news. She would love Go-Diego-Go and enjoy hearing the same thing over and over again. She would also have extra long arms to reach all the things that the 2 year old “drops” on the floor and repeatedly (100 times) say “Help, Help” while pointing at the floor.
- Pick up said kids from daycare for a repeat scenario on the way home. She is lucky that it is only a 20-30 min drive max. That way I could run errand, kid free.
- Most importantly make dinner, every night.
- Clean up the dishes, and not just the ones on the table. She would even wipe off the counters, sweep the floor and start the dishwasher.
- Prepare all the formula and lunches for the next day so I wouldn’t have to think about that either.
- Make sure the house is picked up after the kids go to bed so that I don’t trip and fall over any of the gazillion train tracks the 2 year must have.
- Get up in the middle of the night to search aimlessly for a Binky in the dark, while the two year old screams and the 6 month old starts to be awakened.
Now I wouldn’t expect her to do all this everyday of the week, I might help out on Saturday or Sunday.
You may notice that the bath time is not listed. I would still keep the husband because he is good at that and playing with the kids outside. I would also still need him to fix things, like my iPod, Smart Phone, TiVo, Computer, Blue Tooth Headset, etc.
Anybody know where I can get a wife???